Weight Loss

This is my first blog, and hopefully my first time being real honest about my lifelong weight roller coaster. These pictures didn't upload exactly how I wanted but I optimistic my point will come across. I want to use this blog as a means to keep myself accountable. I will probably post a pin to pinterest and tweet about it and no one will ever read or follow it, but in my mind there are people paying attention. Those people, in my head, are either betting on my failure or cheering me on. The wonderful news is I don't care about negative energy or positive energy as long as i feel like someone is watching. A girl I met recently did something very odd, she ripped a piece of my half eaten hamburger off (it was just sitting around) and ate it, and when I saw her, she hid it from me. A nice girl, something at the time i saw as odd, but i get hungry too. That was, i see now, a metaphor for something we all do: act differently when people are watching. For some that means picking boogers or wedgies when they think no one is watching, for me it means slacking off when it comes to my long term health goals.

Sadly, when coming clean, pictures are necessary. The bottom picture is of me in July 2008, a few weeks before my sisters wedding. A friend at that time had been trying a diet (idiotproofdiet.com) and I decided to give it a try. I feel before that moment I was basically oblivious to my size. I think I had convinced myself I was 'big-boned' or something. Well, the scale assured me I was 250 pounds. I didn't much care at the time but I thought the diet didn't sound too bad so I gave it a shot. No crazy supplements or exercise regimen, just eating more simply and repetitively. It worked for me. At age 19 I started July 21 of 2008, and by Halloween of that year I was right around 205 pounds. I became very uncomfortable with the physical attention I had been getting from the male gender, so much so that my goals did not matter. I quit dieting, I maintained, I wore my old clothes, didn't wear make up, didn't go out. Then I adjusted. I lost a bit more weight, then I started going out, then I started drinking beer, and over the next two years I hovered between 195 and 205.

The story takes a turn for the worst here. Some fool got me on the HCG train. THIS IS THE WORST IDEA EVER. After my 'gorge' days (no healthy programs should include this type of thing anyway) I weighed 210. After 40 days of using the drops I had lost 30 pounds and my health was suffering. On two occasions I actually passed out in the shower. Have I mentioned HCG is BAD and you should not do it? The second picture is a 'before and during' picture I put together, on the left I weighed 250 (age 18) and on the right I weighed 180 (age 22) Anyway, I started HCG the first week of 2011, was at 180 (YAY, I know, right?!) by valentines day, and long story short had it all gained back and then some by September 2011. Now I must disclose that during that time I made the personal choice to quit my job in St. Louis and move to Wichita. (Yes, for a man, but he is wonderful)

Since moving to Wichita my life has included more eating out, and drinking beer, and for a while I was just being absolutely silly about what I was putting in my body. We joined the most expensive gym in town, but it doesn't work if you do not go! We also travel a whole lot... EXCUSES. As of today I weigh 216.6 pounds. A few pounds less than my recent high of about 223. That number disappoints me so much. I remember at two separate times in my life I promised myself I WOULD NOT see a weight that started with a 2 again. Well it happened, twice. Luckily in my old age (still 22) I have realized the only path for me to lifelong health are lifelong lifestyle changes. And being honest with myself. I am always going to love food, and I am always going to love wine, beer, and Jameson. I hope any readers of this blog form their own opinion about my personal choices then judge me silently.

The very top picture is of me today, before I tried my first ever p90x workout. I didn't purchase the program (although I have purchased similar things before) but I thought I should give it a try. My tiny sister has done it with great results before, she is a beachbody coach if you are looking for one. Anyway, back to the top picture 216.6! That does not work for me. My ultimate goal is 150lbs. I am 5' 10" and I would love more than anything else to be able to say 'I've lost 100 pounds'.

I don't claim to be a great writer, my sister tells me quite often that my grammar is atrocious. This blog is for me. And it is public so I can pretend those readers are out there. My only request to any actual readers is to contact me with any questions, comments, encouragement, etc. I don't promise to post frequently, but I promise to keep anyone interested up to date with my weight, photos and what kind of activity I am doing today to burn some calories!

I need to make dinner now, kthanksbye!